Never had a naked dream

This is a dream that I had a few weeks ago, but it still haunts me. It is the dream that inspired me to start this blog.

This is what I remember: Something about being in a closet surrounded by non-perishable items. Then I was upstairs in a bedroom with my best friends boyfriend! His lips were so pouty and beautiful and we started kissing. Then he stopped me and we held a box between us and each kissed a corner of this box. We moved on, physically, and as soon as he "the act" began the door opened. The person at the door was talking to someone in the hallway. This gave us enough time to pull some clothes on. When the person came into the room it was my mother. She told me that my brother had died or had been seriously injured. Then I was riding in a car with my brothers ex girlfriend. She admitted to me it was her fault and I tried to beat her up but no matter how hard I hit her I barely left a scratch. I ended up sobbing in the car.

Now, you think the part that would haunt me the most is the end that concerns my brother and his ex-girlfriend, but I'm more disturbed by kissing my best friend's man. Even now when I think about him I think about his lips, the dream was so real and his lips so kissable. Kissing a friends man means that I desire a relationship like he has with my best friend. That is very true. They are very in love and committed yet they are so comfortable with each other and have a lot of fun. However it could also mean that I am attracted to him. He's an attractive guy, so I guess that's possible. The fact that he is also one of my close friends and I was kissing him could mean that I respect him and miss him, because I haven't seen him for a while. I think that the three of these things combined provide a pretty good picture of my feelings for him.

But the box makes it so much better! The box is symbolic of "instinctual nature and destructive impulses" according to dreammoods.com. That would certainly fit. I'm instinctively attracted to him, but that would certainly be destructive as it would destroy my relationship both with him and my best friend. Going further, the box represents the boundaries in my life my "limitations and restrictions": It is not allowed for me to kiss my best friends boyfriend.

The fact that I started having sex with someone who was forbidden indicates that I have sexual urges that are not being fulfilled, as well as indicating self-betrayal and a sticky situation that I should not allow myself to be in. The infidelity indicates a predisposition to make bad choices about the opposite sex, and who I chose to hook up with. Something I can certainly see in my life. For me, guilt over lusting over the wrong people could also be the cause of this.

The fact that we went on to sex and were naked indicates that I have a fear of people finding out about something in my life. Since my mother almost catches us, it means that my fear is not misplaced because I am very vulnerable in that situation, although, I'm not sure exactly what that situation is.

Additionally, having sex with this person means that I respect things and need to incorporate some part of his personality into my own, because he has qualities that I respect, but lack. Because he is not someone I am with, this indicates that I am dissatisfied with my current sex life, as well is not willing to open up sexually in real life.

The fact that my mother interrupts me having sex to tell me my brother is dead or seriously injured could be very important. The brother could represent spirituality. I am currently trying to figure out for myself the whole God thing, and sexuality is one of the struggles that I am trying to understand. This could be very meaningful and interesting. The other option I have is that my brothers death represents a quality he has that I want for myself, but the first interpretation makes more sense. (even though, my brother is pretty BA).

Since I am driving the car, I am in active control of my life, especially the transitions, like the one I face as I'm graduating college soon. However, I am so upset by the loss of my brother that I must pull over to the side of the road where I try to beat up his ex and sob uncontrollably. So, while I am in control of my life, my loss of spirituality that I sense in my life could leave me paralyzed, unable to transition myself in my life or able to allow someone else to help me make the transition.

The fact that I am trying to hit my brothers ex indicates that I bottle up my emotions and do not express them in a healthy way in the real world. I am currently full of unexpressed anger and aggression. I suppose this is true. I'm pretty non-confrontational, and I tend to not talk about things until they are completely overwhelming for me.

And finally, lets go back to the beginning to figure out the closet.... The closet represents something that I have kept hidden. Could this be my struggle with religion? Or my situations that I get myself into? Or my sexuality? In my closet I have stocked up on non-perishables in case of an emergency. This indicates that I am scared of deprivation. I am not satisfied with what I currently have. This could be true. My life is always changing and it is hard not to compare what I have with what I used to have or what I think I deserve. It is a constant struggle to be happy every day.

What this is

This is an invitation for you to get to know me better through the intimate act of my sharing my dreams with you. I will then interpret them using the handy tool I like to call... internet! My dreams are often haunting, so this is a personal project really. I hope you enjoy the scary place that is my mind.